Sugar dating happens online, and anything that happens online attracts people pretending to be someone they are not. Most of the people you will talk to on sugar daddy websites are exactly who they say they are. A few are not, and those few are very practiced at it.
Telling the difference comes down to behavior. Watch what a match will answer and what they will avoid. Notice how consistent their story stays from one week to the next, and how hard they press to move things along. Your gut is what a scammer is counting on, and behavior is the thing a fake profile cannot keep up forever.
TL;DR
- A scammer's work is building a persona, so the warning signs show up in what they avoid.
- Watch for someone who dodges personal questions, or whose details and messages don't match the person they claim to be.
- Being hurried into intimacy or commitment is a red flag on its own.
- A reverse image search and a video call will answer most doubts before you are invested in the answer.
What A Sugar Dating Scam Is
A scam here has nothing to do with a bad date or a relationship that fizzled. Someone has built a profile as bait, using photos taken from other people and a job that is not theirs. Sometimes the whole life is invented. Everything they say is calibrated to keep you talking and to keep you from checking.
That gives them a problem. Maintaining an invented person takes effort, because details have to be remembered and questions have to be deflected without looking like deflection.
Anything that would put a real face and a real voice in front of you has to be avoided, while the person doing the avoiding still has to seem keen. Every warning sign is a version of that strain showing.
Warning Signs That Somebody Isn't Who They Say They Are
When it comes to online dating and matchmaking, it can be difficult to know who to trust. If you've met somebody and you're not sure about them, these warning signs could help you spot a fake before you get hurt.
They Avoid Answering Any Personal Questions
Anonymity is an important part of a successful scam. A scammer will avoid sharing personal information about themselves.
Part of a sugar dating relationship is companionship and friendship, and most people in one are eager and excited to get to know you on a more personal level.
If the person you're dealing with is hesitant to answer your questions and doesn't offer much back, it could be a sign that they're not who they say they are. Someone genuine has no need to generate fake information and should have no problem with pleasant conversation and being forthcoming with personal details, within reason.
Their Details Don't Stay Consistent
People say if you tell the truth, you don't need a good memory. That's because only scammers and liars have to keep track of stories about who they are and where they're from. Pay attention to the details a match shares with you and to any inconsistencies in their stories. Most scams of this kind involve multiple targets at once, which makes it tricky for the scammer to keep every version straight. If the person forgets what they told you, or suddenly has a different occupation or a different home town, that is a sign they're being dishonest about who they are.
The Messages Don't Match The Person
If a profile describes an accomplished person with a demanding career and the messages are full of spelling and grammar errors, the two things don't fit. Sentences that don't quite make sense, or that read as though they were run through a translator, are worth noticing. None of this is about judging anyone's writing. The mismatch to watch is between the person described in the profile and the person typing the messages.
They Want To Rush Into Things
A match who insists on rushing may have an ulterior motive. A genuine sugar daddy or sugar baby is respectful of your time and your comfort level, and shows it by keeping healthy boundaries of their own. If a person is pushing a romantic relationship, or pushing for sexting or intimacy well before you're comfortable, it could be a sign that they're trying to hoodwink you.
How To Check Somebody Out
Even before you start chatting with someone new, a few habits will protect you.
Reverse Search Their Profile Pictures
Fake profiles have perfected the art of catfishing, and many scammers try to pass off someone else's picture as their own. The simplest way to uncover this is a reverse image search. If the picture comes back attached to different names or identities, you're dealing with a fraud.
Pay attention to all the photos on the profile and the ones they send you. If they all appear professionally taken or have similar backgrounds, they could be stock photos.
Check each photo for edits and filters that suggest it has been altered.
Look Them Up
Checking a person's identity should go further than their photos. Use the name and the profession they gave you and do a little digging. Put what you have into a search engine and see what comes back. If nothing lines up with the picture or the person they claim to be, you may be at risk of getting scammed.
Check Their Social Media
Social media can tell you a lot about a person. Look at how often they post and what sort of things they post. Candid pictures with friends and photos taken in a variety of places over a long period are good signs that the person is real. Being tagged in other people's photos helps too. An abandoned account, or one where several pictures all went up on the same day, may suggest the account is not. Pay attention to who follows them and who they follow. With a little digging, you should be able to tell if there is a real person behind the account.
The Dos and Don'ts
Now that you know the warning signs and how to avoid being taken advantage of, you can get on with sugar dating safely. A last few habits are worth keeping.
Do
- Use common sense. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
- Ask detailed questions that help you confirm who a match is and let you keep tabs on their consistency. The more details you know, the easier it is to catch a lie, if there is one. Ask about their occupation, their pets, their favorite hobbies.
- Suggest a video call. It's fairly easy to alter photos, and much harder to fake a face on a call. If a match resists or outright refuses, more than once and without a reason, it could be a sign that they're hiding something.
- Keep the conversation on the platform until you are comfortable. Someone eager to move you somewhere private within a few messages is skipping a step for a reason.
Don't
- Don't share personal details. Avoid handing over passwords, your date of birth, your full name, your address or any account information. A practiced scammer needs only a few of these.
- While it's good to be yourself and be a little vulnerable, you should never fully let your guard down early on. Getting attached to a person you have not yet confirmed to be real is what clouds judgment, and it is exactly what a scammer is working towards.
Enjoy Sugar Dating Without The Bad Apples
Sugar dating can be genuinely good, and the overwhelming majority of people you'll talk to are looking for the same straightforward thing you are. A few are not.
Recognizing the warning signs, and knowing the handful of checks that answer a doubt quickly, is what lets you relax about the rest.
Trust behavior over words. Someone who answers your questions and whose story stays consistent is someone you can get to know properly, and a video call will confirm the face on the profile. Anyone who won't do those things has told you what you needed to know.
Dr. Emily May
Dr. Emily May is an AASECT-certified sex therapist and writer at Private Sugar Club. Her work has been featured in Men's Health, Lifehacker, Metro, The i Paper, Playboy, and Ladbible.
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