Plenty of people are turning to sugar daddy websites, and then finding that the hardest part is the first message. Striking up conversation with a match on a dating app is hard enough on its own, and knowing there is something you eventually need to talk about adds a whole new layer of intricacy to your interactions.
TL;DR
- Talking to a sugar daddy successfully starts with a profile that gets noticed, and carries on with confident conversation and genuine interest.
- Building rapport means asking smart questions and letting the conversation flow from there.
- Boundaries come out early, before the two of you are deep into anything, so nobody is guessing.
- Keeping it going comes down to good communication and appreciation, plus knowing when to walk away.
What Is A Sugar Daddy?
First and foremost we need to familiarize ourselves with the sugar relationship. The typical relationship is comprised of a sugar daddy and a sugar baby. Many people have heard of sugar daddies but often find themselves asking what is a sugar baby? To put it simply, the sugar baby is the counterpart who brings companionship and good company. The sugar daddy is the more established person, who wants that alongside an already full life.
There's a misconception that a sugar daddy is somebody with nothing else going on. In practice a great many of them are simply too busy for a traditional relationship.
The compromise suits them. They get the satisfaction of companionship and admiration without the additional stress of maintaining something conventional.
How To Attract Sugar Daddies
Before you can start a conversation with a sugar daddy, you have to attract one, which means putting your energy into the best sugar baby sites and apps. A general social media account with a few fancy pictures won't cut it. Your best bet is to use dedicated platforms where sugar daddies already spend their time.
It's important to cast your net wide and diversify your approach if you want fast results. Relying on one platform can still work but it might not be the most efficient in the long run. The logic applies to a general dating app as much as to a dedicated sugar daddy site. Once you've decided on the platform or platforms of your choice, it's essential to make a captivating profile. Remember that a sugar daddy with plenty of options is going to be flicking through, only taking notice of the profiles that catch their eye. If your profile consists of nothing but a single picture, you might as well be invisible.
The best practices for a successful sugar baby profile are:
- Try to demonstrate your personality in your pictures too. We know the instinct is to capture your good side, but looks aren't everything. If you can give good clues as to who you are, it will ultimately help sugar daddies view you as a companion.
- Pick a good alias! You certainly shouldn't be using your real name publicly on these profiles, for safety reasons. But also, see it as another opportunity to say something about who you are. It could be something flirty or something elegant. Anything that sounds good and can grab the attention of the sugar daddies. For example HoneyBella, LittleSugarplum12, FunLover and so on!
- Write an awesome bio. Some people find the bio the hardest part of the profile to write. We can't be writing essays that will bore your sugar daddy to death. Likewise you can't leave it at a few words that show no effort. If the platform you're using allows you to tag interests then you won't need to go into too much detail about what you do for fun. But always try to include some of your best qualities that can entice sugar daddies. Be it your flirtatious side, intelligence, being career driven, charismatic, you name it!
If you need a more detailed guide on ways to attract a sugar daddy then check out our sugar baby tips for beginners.
Starting The Conversation and First Impressions
Once you've created a winning sugar baby profile your inbox notifications will be blowing up your phone. So it's time to learn how to handle the early stages of the conversation. You can send cheeky messages to stir up some interest, though a sugar daddy will typically reach out to you first. Know that if you do decide to message first, you need to sound like nobody else in their inbox. Don't hit them with a stereotypical, lifeless, lowercase "hey" because they are probably bombarded with these messages. Instead opt for something witty that makes them laugh or gets them talking. It's light and playful, and it gets them thinking about the two of you.
Now, when it comes to your sugar daddy messaging you first, it will be almost impossible to predict what they'll say to you and have a perfect response locked and loaded. Instead, exchange pleasantries as yourself and comment on something positive about them to demonstrate interest. Try to steer the conversation towards these few simple topics: have they ever done this before? "This" meaning, having a sugar baby. What brings them to the platform you've been talking on? Be it sugar daddy related or not. Finally, ask a little about what they do for work.
These questions give you a good idea of how genuine someone is without coming across rude or intrusive. Learning if they're a first timer or not can allow you to comfortably transition into what they look for in a sugar baby and vice versa. Asking why they chose this platform can tell you what they are hoping to find. And their line of work is usually the thing they will talk most easily about early on.
Topics Of Conversation For You And Your Sugar Daddy
Sugar dating can be difficult at times when we have to relate to someone from a completely different walk of life. Common ground is usually easier to find than it looks, and a handful of topics get you there.
Get Them Talking About Themselves
To some degree, we all love talking about ourselves. As part of a healthy ego, we take pride in our accomplishments so it makes sense that we like to share them with people who are interested. In the case of a sugar daddy who is likely very driven and well lived, it's safe to say that they will have a lot of accomplishments to talk about.
Try asking playful questions that allude to this like "What's a skill or talent that you possess that most people might not know about?" Or maybe consider asking "How do you handle setbacks or failures, and can you share a story of bouncing back from one?" Everyone loves an underdog story, so a sugar daddy will revel in telling you about how they overcame adversity.
In getting your sugar daddy to open up you might learn a thing or two about them that should help you ease into the flow of conversation.
Talk About Travel
A sugar daddy will usually have plenty of travel stories to share. Even if you have not traveled much yourself, it can be a good opportunity to ask some questions about your dream destinations. Plus, traveling with someone is one of the best ways to get to know them. So with enough fantasizing and talking about couples' trips maybe your sugar daddy will consider turning one of those into a reality. Unless of course, you're dealing with a sugar daddy who doesn't want to meet.
Talk About Your Talents
Conversation is all about give and take. So, to balance things out consider mentioning your hobbies or talents to your sugar daddy. A major benefit of doing this is it gives them a good insight into who you are without giving too much information about your personal life. If you have unique or interesting hobbies, don't be afraid to share them. A sugar daddy who takes a respectful interest in what you do is likely to be a good candidate.
Talk About Food
The palate of a well-versed sugar daddy is bound to be quite sophisticated, which makes food a great topic of conversation. Ask them about their favorite cuisine, favorite dishes, worst dining experiences, the lot! Food is also an awesome place to find common ground. We all need to eat to live so finding someone else who lives to eat can quickly become your foodie friend. This also segues quite nicely into dinner dates if you decide to meet up with your sugar daddy.
Talk About Their Good Looks
As a sugar baby, you're familiar with the feeling of receiving a compliment about how you look. A sugar daddy, on the other hand, is more likely to be complimented on everything except that.
A nice curveball you can throw their way is aspects of their good looks, maybe the way they dress, their nice teeth, dimples, anything you notice.
A fun little game can be comparing them to a good-looking celebrity. Try to avoid any back-handed compliments, though.
Talk About Pets
If you're an animal lover this can be a nice way to dig into their opinions on other animals. The age-old debate about being a dog person or a cat person can tell you a lot about them, so maybe have some pre-planned questions ready about their favorite breeds or a childhood pet.
Go With The Flow
Remember not to put too much pressure on your conversation. Getting to know a sugar daddy should be fun, so it shouldn't require hours of preparation to send out a message. A good sugar daddy will also be good at leading conversation, so relaxing and letting them steer can be a fun part of the journey!
Setting Your Boundaries Early
Establishing your boundaries early on is one of the biggest parts of getting a sugar relationship right. Meeting a sugar daddy is a delicate dance of meeting each other's expectations, and that is exceedingly difficult if you don't know where you draw the line. So take some time to figure out exactly what your boundaries are. Are you willing to meet your sugar daddy in person, and are you comfortable sending pictures or video calling? Would you rather the whole thing stayed virtual?
Once you know your own answers, saying them out loud is far easier. Engage in conversation for a little while, then say in plain words what you are and aren't comfortable with, and ask the same of them. A sugar daddy who takes that well is worth carrying on with, and one who talks around it or treats a firm boundary as an opening position has told you something useful about how the rest of it would go.
The Dos and Don'ts of Sugar Daddy Conversations
If you're not one for rejection then you might not be cut out for the sugar daddy game. Full transparency, you are going to get the door shut in your face a few times before you find a good sugar daddy. With that being said, a few habits will maximize your chances of finding one you click with, and a few others will blow it for you.
Dos:
- Remain confident even if you're new to sugar dating. It's important to be sure of what suits you. Some sugar daddies will try to take advantage of a sugar baby who is new to this. That's not to say all sugar daddies are like this, but confidence is a good way to protect yourself against the bad eggs.
- Be respectful and polite. A sugar daddy is still a person with feelings and emotions, so treat them well and demonstrate your caring and compassionate qualities.
- Compliment them and listen well. These are skills that will serve you well all throughout your sugar dating. By giving your sugar daddy well selected compliments you show interest in them. Not to mention, listening well without interrupting and asking appropriate questions shows that they have your full attention. Being attentive builds trust, and no sugar relationship gets far without it.
- Be yourself. Obviously we want to portray an air of elegance for our sophisticated companion. But try not to get lost in this persona. Talking about your true interests and aspirations is easier to sustain than playing a character. Getting caught up in your own web of lies will be an immediate red flag for a sugar daddy.
Don'ts:
- Don't be too forward. Most sugar daddies want to feel like they have won you over. So if you're pouring it on too thick it can seem a little forced. Refrain from being super flirty and downright suggestive if the situation doesn't call for it.
- Don't use profanity. There's nothing that comes across worse than swearing like a construction worker. A sugar daddy typically wants someone who can fit in well with their lifestyle. So do your best to curb any bad words that come to mind, particularly in your first impressions.
- Don't be too demanding. As a sugar baby it's easy to start feeling entitled to somebody's time and attention. But if you start to become bratty about it, don't be too surprised if your sugar daddy wants out. If you feel like you aren't being treated right then a conversation is the best way to go about it. Barking orders is a no go.
- Don't build your whole week around one person. The nature of the relationship is uncertain, so you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket. Keep your own routine and your own friends intact, because a sugar baby with nothing else going on is far easier to manipulate.
Keeping Your Sugar Daddy Interested
So if you've followed our amazing advice you've likely found yourself a sugar daddy. But for some, it can be a bit awkward to keep a sugar daddy entertained for the long haul. Many sugar babies attempt to keep up a facade of perfection which can be fun at first but gets a bit boring after a while.
As a companion of a sugar daddy you need to be stimulating, and one of the best ways to do that is to get to know them. Have conversations that you would in any other normal relationship. Ask questions that you would like someone to ask you. Talk about what makes you happy or sad, and about your goals. Things that make you, you!
Communication is key and it's important to address feelings and expectations so the relationship doesn't break down. But a sugar daddy likely doesn't want the conflicts and drama that come with a normal relationship. So weigh up the pros and cons of any potential arguments to come. Ultimately, if you feel like you aren't being treated right, don't be afraid to walk away. Your personal health and wellbeing come first.
Dr. Emily May
Dr. Emily May is an AASECT-certified sex therapist and writer at Private Sugar Club. Her work has been featured in Men's Health, Lifehacker, Metro, The i Paper, Playboy, and Ladbible.
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